Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day is Stupid (Where are my roses?)

Published: February 14, 2011

Valentine’s Day, aka Singles Awareness Day or SAD, the Hallmark Holiday, Monday – today bugs me, no matter what you call it.
Even with a boyfriend, this “holiday” is overrated. I don’t like chocolate and spoiler alert: roses die.

What bothers me the most is despite thinking the whole day is cheesy, if my boyfriend doesn’t do anything for me, I’ll get pissed. And I’m talking the whole shebang – flowers, candy, jewelry, dinner, unicorns.

If he doesn’t buy me roses, people (including me) will judge our relationship. They’ll assume he doesn’t care, doesn’t appreciate me or doesn’t measure up to their significant other.

As much as I’d like to tell them all to suck it, I still care what they think. I’m only human. (According to my doctor… but he doesn’t believe in elves.)

There’s too much pressure on the relationship! Expectations are always high and it’s safe to say someone will end up disappointed.

I blame consumerism.

February 14th is now associated with excessive spending, on the man’s part of course.

According to the Greeting Card Association, about one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making V-day the second largest card-sending holiday to Christmas. According to History.com, 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women.

I repeat, 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. That doesn’t sound right. According to every commercial ever made, men are the ones buying the gifts. Something smells suspicious. (I’m not sure what that smells like, but just go with it.)

Why does one day out of the year mean more to a relationship than the other 364? What is the motive behind Valentine’s Day?

Urban Dictionary defines Valentine’s Day as, “The reason so many people are born in November.” (Moment of silence for all you November babies who just pinpointed the exact date you were conceived.)

History.com tells the legend of Saint Valentine – a priest who served during the third century in Rome. (Side note: If St. Valentine’s day is associated with Christian and ancient Roman tradition, should people of other religions be celebrating? Or is it like Christmas where the Jewish kid has their menorah but gets a tree to not feel left out?)

Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men after figuring single men make better soldiers. (I disagree, wouldn’t married men have more to fight for?)

Valentine defied Claudius, thinking the decree was unjust. He continued to marry young lovers in secret and after he was discovered was put to death. As one legend has it, Valentine wrote his jailer’s daughter a love letter, which he signed, “From your Valentine.”

Years later some random pope declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day.

…And there you have it.

No mention of roses, diamonds or chocolates.

No chubby flying babies shooting magical arrows. Just a hand-written love letter. (If Valentine’s Day is about St. Valentine, where the hell did cupid come from? The whole thing is shady.)

I miss the days of passing out pre-made valentines taped to a lollipop to everyone in my class. In those days, you weren’t allowed to pick and choose who gets a valentine, everyone got one. (A Lord of the Rings card if you were lucky enough to be in my class.)

No pressure, no hurt feelings, just a ton of candy and hobbit greetings.

And that’s the way I liked it.

Now that I think about it, I don’t care what my boyfriend does for me as long as I get that lollipop.